that was the name of an old twyla paris song. in it she sang of how to the outside world she seemed strong and confident, independent and indestructible but when she went home, to the one that knew her best, she was as frail as faberge, as delicate as a daisy.
something unexpected happened when i posted this last blog. if you read the comments then you know that someone i used to know anonymously revealed they had a crush on me in college but was too afraid to ever ask me out back then. when i replied that i never got asked out in college, anon expressed his disbelief.
thing is, i can count on one hand the number of dates i went on in college. i seriously almost never got asked out. i spent more nights crying myself to sleep, wondering why my phone didn't ring, while all my friends were out on dates.
it sucked!
then, years later, someone anonymously tells me they had a crush on me from a distance. this is not the first time this has happened either. honestly, as i pondered this, i realized, since i was little, boys have liked me from afar. i've received signed and unsigned "love notes", anonymous flowers, anonymous valentines, guys telling me how they used to have a crush on me. i even received a phone call from friends telling me they were with a guy i hadn't seen in over a year but still apparently remembered everything about me and confessed to having had a huge crush on me.
i guess i just don't understand. am i unapproachable? have i always been? why didn't these guys ask me out? did they really think i was going out on too many dates and couldn't possibly fit them into my hectic schedule? my goodness, my high school, college, and post-college years pretty much sucked. and, in the dating arena, it still does. i pretty much am clueless, still, when it comes to the whole dating game. the last guy i dated literally had to ask me out 3 times before i said yes.
am i just missing the signs? if so, can someone please show me the way? cause i am completely lost!
4 comments:
Wow and bummer! Had I know how you felt things may have been differently. You were always smiling, joking around and happy around people. I, obviously, wrongly thought with you being so popular (in a good way) that I would be a long shot. I can't tell you the many times I thought about just asking but I never did (why? I will always wonder). I said it before and I'll say it again, you were gorgeous in college and you are still gorgeous today. Love your smile.
OK, so I am going to try this again. I wasn't able to post my last comment!
Anonymous, I have a question for you. What is stopping you now from asking her out? Are you married or something? Why would life be different? If you are not married step it up! Love takes chances!
And to my best friend, you are so amazing and beautiful that I only know that these guys have not been man enough for you! Yeah, so maybe back then things weren't as crystal clear regarding relationships, etc, but now you are more aware and wiser. Don't sell yourself short! I will leave it at that for now, and talk to you later about it. I love you!!
- Mara
Mara, If I was available I would ask her out immediately but I am not right now. I agree with you. She is amazing and a beautiful girl. Add to that an awesome girl. Life would be different now because she wouldn't be single anymore. :-) Sorry, I didn't mean to create a controversy. I just wanted to get if off my chest.
no need to apologize. no controversy, just different ppl expressing their individual thoughts.
very soon i'll be posting my blog response to all of this.
stay tuned :)
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