i always feel like, somebody's watching me

in my last post, i talked about this dress i was trying to make for an upcoming event. well, i finished the dress! and i was indeed able to wear it to the event/party. i have to say, i was, and am, pretty darn pleased with myself. :)

i ended up staying up till 5 AM trying to finish it, and almost thought it wasn't going to happen but, it all worked out in the end. i totally fit in and nobody knew i hand made the dress, except whenever my friend told them. she was so impressed she kept telling people.

the party was fantastic! so many celebrities, and ones i never expected to see there. i was shocked with how thin the actresses were. i mean, we're talking size negative 2. i'll admit, i understand models being so thin, because in that arena, it's all about showcasing the clothes. but i really cannot comprehend the necessity for actresses to be so excessively thin. thinner than your average, maybe, but not model thin. that's just crazy! i feel bad for them actually because, if they don't maintain this level of "thinness" they may just not get work, and, to be honest, i'm glad my job doesn't require me to have to look a certain way.

anyway, the party was a lot of fun and i had a grand old time meeting some fabulous people, both famous and not. while my intention is not to drop too many names, there are 3 names i do want to mention.

andre braugher - i have always loved his work, since homicide: life on the streets, and couldn't believe i got to see him in person and share the dance floor with him and his wife. it was actually pretty cool!

jason o'mara - i actually tried to watch 'life on mars' simply because he's the lead, but the show couldn't keep my attention. i just think he is so fine, and i pretty much stared at him the whole night. although, i wouldn't speak to him, or go near him because i wanted to be respectful of the fact that he's married. i accidentally ended up right behind him in line at the bar on my way to get another diet coke, but left the line because i felt like he might think i was stalking him. lol :)

william hurt - while i met, and was introduced to a multitude of people that night, most of them were doing the industry schmooze thing. this meant that they spent their time talking to and chasing down other industry types and a non-industry person, like myself, was not who they wanted to spend a lot of time chatting with. and i really have no problem with that. i honestly don't. i understand it completely and don't begrudge anyone, in this economy, wanting to chase down people that can help them find they're next gig, and i'm not one of those people. that being said, there was one celebrity, and only one celebrity that made a point to introduce himself to me, and william hurt was that one person. i give him major kudos for that!

so, after having one of the most fantastic evenings i have had in a long time i was pretty much just sitting on top of the world! and then, a few days later, everything changes...

***cue sinister music***

i start getting phone calls from a private number but no messages are left. on tuesday, after the 2nd of these calls that day, and four the day before, i finally pick up, only to hear the caller announce himself as being with the new york state police. he tells me that my car was seen on a video tape of a parking lot near a 'shooting' that occurred and they were wondering if i had witnessed anything. thing is, i knew there was no way that my car was in a parking lot at the time they said the video showed it because i was driving it at the time. but the investigator was insistent, and i was starting to get upset. i mean, i seriously initially thought the whole thing was a joke and that some morning radio show hosts were going to come on and tell me i was being 'phone tapped' or something.

when i got off the phone with the investigator, i called the number the investigator gave me, right back and start questioning the guy that answered. i then requested to speak to the investigator's supervisor. the whole thing just seemed a little hinky to me. i was afraid it was a scam, or maybe some identity theft thing, so i was persistent. in the course of my conversations, i found out that the nysp had contacted my local police and sent them to my residence sunday evening to verify that my vehicle was there. they kept wanting to know if someone else had access to my vehicle and i told them there was no way my car was where they said they had video of it being. they still wanted to talk to me, to find out if i had 'witnessed' anything and i still thought the whole thing was shady. i told them i wanted to see this video. they said i would need to come to their barracks, a good hour and a half from my home. i told them it would have to wait until saturday. they then said they would come to my local police station on thursday instead and bring the video with them. i said fine, and the meeting was set.

on thursday i go to the local police station and ask for the local detective that was working with the nysp. i wait for the the investigators to arrive. when they finally do arrive, they try to start questioning me about my whereabouts the night of the 'incident'. i ask to see the video. they inform me that the quality of the video is too poor to make anything out but that they have equipment at the station that enhances the quality of the video. they then show me a print screen from the video of what is supposedly my car. it is basically a blur. i'm still thinking this is hinky.

finally the senior investigator gets honest with me and explains to me what really happened. apparently someone impersonated a cop by flashing his headlights at a car that contained a young lady in her early 20s and got the girl to pull over. he asked her to get out of her vehicle and he then proceeded to 'fondle' her. the victim gave my license plate number and car description as the car the culprit was driving. and apparently she was very insistent about the information.

as we went through the events of the evening, the same evening as the event/party, it was determined that there was no way that anyone else could have been driving my car at the time of the crime, and clearly, neither myself, nor my friend committed the crime. we concluded that what may have happened was that i probably drove by the scene at the same time the culprit was pulling away and the victim mistook my car for that of the one of the culprit's. at this point they were hoping that maybe we saw something, but i had not, and neither did my friend.

the crazy thing is, before even talking to me or meeting me, they dug into my information as much as they could, and even looked into my brothers' information. all because the victim made a mistake. i mean, it's a good thing neither of my brothers live anywhere near me, that neither i, nor my friend have a boyfriend, and that my friend doesn't have any male roommates. goodness knows what would have happened to any one of them, all because the victim made a false identification of the vehicle.

i feel very bad for the victim, and i hope they find the culprit quickly.

i do want to send out a warning though to all of you. know where you've been and when you've been there. because if, for any reason, someone misidentifies you, your vehicle, or anything belonging to you, you may be investigated, your family investigated and your friends investigated. even though you may have done nothing wrong, prepare to have your privacy and your personal life completely invaded, all in the name of justice.

i am not condemning the police for their actions, i am simply giving you a heads up. just because you may be an innocent bystander or passerby, does not preclude you from being investigated like a criminal. so always be aware of your surroundings and be able to account for your whereabouts at all times.

it is the best way to ensure that you are not wrongfully accused of something.

perpetual ADD or biting off more than i can chew

so i received an invitation to a pretty fancy party on saturday at the plaza hotel in nyc. can't get in to details but, suffice it to say, i have nothing appropriate to wear to this shindig, nor the monetary resources to buy a brand new cocktail style dress.

this left me with 2 options. one, i could buy a super cheap dress from walmart/target/marshall's etc. or two, i could try to make something. i have, more than likely foolishly, decided to go with option 2.

i picked up a pattern, thread, fabrics and all the necessary tools and am beyond excited to attempt this but my time frame has left me with less than 24 hours to pull this thing together. mind you, professionals on shows like project runway don't even like to try this madness, and they're competing for money and contracts.

this is not my very first time using a sewing machine, but i haven't used one in over 10 years. i actually have one of my closest friends, meredith, pretty much on speed dial write now, as i go through this process. i didn't even know what the symbols on the pattern meant. words like selvage and interfacing and notches have now entered my vocabulary.

i have decided that, if option 2 does not end up working, then it's to option 1 i go.

i mention all of this because, i have a really bad habit of developing these grandiose ideas, getting all revved up and psyched about it, and then never totally following through. honestly, if i followed through on even just 30% of what i set in my mind to do, i would probably be a rich, skinny, wife of some successful celebrity, splashed evenly across the pages of forbes, vogue and people. while i simultaneously solved world hunger, world peace, and global warming.

but, alas, i am not. and so i am stuck, trying to make a princess worthy dress on a pauper's dime.

news flash! the Pope is catholic!

so i got a comment on my last post from a new "anonymous". let's call this one A2. this person was not as nice as the last. i'm not sure what incited them so, but since he/she has chosen not to reveal himself/herself, i am left to only wonder. my guess is that either i do not know this person at all, he/she has been hurt by someone and they are projecting that anger on to me OR i do know this person, have slighted him/her in some way, and they feel the only way to get back at me is to leave a nasty anonymous comment on my blog.

i won't lie, when i first read it, it stung. my initial reaction was hurt and i was on the verge of deleting it but then i stopped. i decided it better for me to keep it, as a reminder that, not only are there people out there that really don't like me, but also as a reminder that it's ok if people dislike, or even worse, hate me.

A2 informed that i was egotistical and self-absorbed. and honestly, i can't really say that i disagree with that assessment. i mean, let's face it, i write a freaking blog! and i not only expect, but assume that others will read it, and may even be moved by it. what could be more egotistical and self-absorbed than that?! i feel comments like that are tantamount to informing the Pope that he's catholic.

i briefly considered writing a post defending my name, as it were. lauding all the wonderful selfless acts that i have done over the years, making me appear akin to the nature of Mother Theresa but i decided that would only exaggerate and emphasize how truly egotistical and self-absorbed i really am.

so, instead i've decided to confess. i am egotistical. i am self-absorbed. i do not deny it. nor do i defend it. i honestly believe we are all egotistical and self-absorbed but to varying degrees at varying times in our lives. and i have spent too many years placing myself in comparison with others. there is only one person that ever walked this earth that was truly selfless and others-centric and He lived 2000 years ago. the rest of us could never even come close to that kind of selfless sacrifice. this does not preclude us from trying to love others and care for others as we would ourselves. quite the opposite, it should drive us to never be satisfied with who we are and what we do and how we make a difference in this world.

to A2, if i know you and have wronged you in the past i am most sincerely sorry for my actions. i promise you, i have never intentionally been malicious towards anyone. i may have done and said some stupid things, scratch that, i know i've said and done some stupid things, and if you were ever a victim of my foolishness, again, i am incredibly sorry.

if i don't know you, well, i still apologize. i know what it's like to be hurt by people, have mean things said or done to you and it really sucks.

anyway, not sure if i'll revisit or need to revisit this topic again but i did want to say my piece. i mean, after all, this is my blog, and it is all about me :)

invisible me - hey there

started working on a new song last night. it's an oft repeated topic in my life but i'm writing about it in a new way this time. it's not completed but i've got most of it done, including the melody and the chords. it will probably need a few re-writes, and it still needs a second verse, but here's what i have so far:
*****UPDATE*****
i've added a second verse but i still need to add some more. i've also changed one of the lines

hey there

walter and willie
made me feel so silly
when i lived in philly
thought they were so fine

they were cute and funny
smiled sweet like honey
eyes were bright and sunny
they just seemed to shine

tried to get their attention
threw a smile their direction
they wanted no connection
didn't have enough perfection

my soul left so depleted
my heart again retreated
same old story repeated
can't this nightmare be defeated

hey there willie bryce
just thought you seemed so nice
but you won't even look at me twice

hey there walter byrne
when will i ever learn
that your head i'll just never turn

spending all my money
working to look twenty
and it just ain't funny
how i have to fight

so i keep on trying
but they just ain't buying
they just leave me crying
all alone at night

tried to get their attention
threw a smile their direction
they wanted no connection
didn't have enough perfection

my soul left so depleted
my heart again retreated
same old story repeated
can't this nightmare be defeated

hey there willie bryce
just thought you seemed so nice
but you won't even look at me twice

hey there walter byrne
when will i ever learn
that your head i'll just never turn

****disclaimer - i do not actually know a willie bryce or a walter byrne, so if you happen to know anyone by either of those names it is simply a coincidence****